going serious about the friendship----

-- we were seeing each other out in the coffee house and public parks and at his older brother's place etc--. it so happened that one of my friend who was also working on her Master's degree with me was dating another of those boys from the trio. We found the safe haven to meet in his house(of course when his friend was in the house along with his girl friend. Here I need to say that this love affair was not up to and never was any thing but holding hands and rarely kissing etc. It is ingrained in our minds that sex is some thing which is left for ONLY AFTER MARRIAGE.
One fine morning I broke the news to my family ( it was the month of January 1964) that we are going to marry and that is final. Yes, it was all very difficult for every body in the family to accept this idea that I decided to marry a boy who is not chosen by the family, a boy from little different cast, just master's degree and above all a High School teacher. My mother was crying and telling me how hard it will be for me to live with small salary, and with his people who have different way of life styles(my family is konkanastha brahmins and his family is kayastha) My older sister's marriage was settled to a brahmin man living in U.S. and my mother wanted me to get similar kind of match and they were  sure close to find one. I was firm in my decision and told my family so. After a long long time of anger and frustration and every thing, my older brother told my mother to accept the marriage as I was not backing off. His opinion was 'that we both will be highly educated (once I finish my degree) and will be free to lead our life. It is our decision and so be it' My sister's fiancee was coming to India for the wedding in Sept. It was decided that we both sister's get married in the same canopy day after one is married. That was very hard on me as till that time I was behaving like a nut and thinking that love is every thing. As soon as the weeding etc. talk started I got very nervous. I could not figure out whether I was doing right or I am jumping in a big problem. My mother had very hard life as she did not have great support of her husband after few years of her married life. She had four children to raise. God forbid if I get in to any situation like that then what am I going to do.
                                                     One day my would be husbands brother came to me in the college and said he wants to talk to me. I felt very scared thinking that 'what now'. He told me that my would be husband was already engaged to a girl from a distant town. It was a big blow to me and all my worries. I had to tell him that "I can't do any thing about it, You go and talk to your brother about it and it is his business" I was very angry with my fianee and asked him about it. He told me that 0he has broken the engagement long back as he stated dating me. I did ask him any mor questions.
                                                     

Master's and further events---

I received  my bachelor's degree and wanted to go medical School. I was just a second class student but in those days it was not difficult to get admission in the Medical School. I started my classes in and after a couple of weeks, I had very serious influenza attack and could not go to college for all that time. I was asked to continue as I was way behind in the class. That was the end of my Medical programme. i decided to continue my education in the Master's programme and joined Zoology department. We were hardly ten students in the class but it was a very free environment. We were asked to do some labs and assignments etc of our own. I remember going to the library and doing all my work. I must confess that my friend and I used to like some boys and wanted to be friends with but remembering my family values and the strictness of my mother, we could not step forward in that direction. I did go to a movie (Naya Daur) with a Friend but my sister accompanied us. Well a strange but life changing thing happened during that previous year of Master's programme. One day I had my books etc.on the back of my bicycle and I was paddling towards the school. I don't know what happened but some how I lost the balance and kind of slipped from my seat, all my books fell on the road so I put the bicycle on the stand and started to collect my books and papers etc. I noticed that three boys from our final year Zoology class stoped and one of them came to help me. He was speaking Marathi(my Mother toung) I thanked him for the help,hoped on my bike and went to classes. I saw those boys in the department at various occasions. we, the were only three girls in our class so we were friends with all the girl's from final class. Gradually I came to know about that boy.He was good looking, polite and healthy. I was impressed when he(or some body) told the story that he had a little bit of hard life and worked as police man before joining master's programme. I could sympathies with him and wanted the friendship. We were good friends and he helped me in my studies. I used to get his previous years notes to read and all. He visited my family a couple of times and times passed. It was not until he graduated from the college and I was working on my final year of Master's programme that we (I) realised that I was falling for him and he was already in love. We accepted the Idea. I knew that my Mother will be very upset but I was very much sure that I will try and change her mind.

---as I said before, my friend Meena and I use to talk about boys but neither of us had courage to get involved with any body at any time. It was our culture and family teachings which always reminded us that we need to pay more attention to our studies than anything else. By now I was getting interested in my studies also and finally passed my undergraduate programme very successfully. I wanted to do graduate studies as my sister did so i started my Masters degree courses in Zoology. It was a good programme but it changed my life . Some times, things happen for the reason and we have no control over the events. One day, I was on my way to college. I was going with my normal speed ( on my bike) thinking about some thing serious.Three boys, who were my seniors( I learned that afterwards) were coming the same way, probably going to class also. Some how I turned to one side or one of them hit me on the side of my bike,some thing happened and I had to stop. I got off of my bike. All my books fell on the road and I got a bit upset. All three of them stoped and one of them (a Maharashrtian boy)helped me to collect all my bookes. After some sorry and thank you, they left and I went to classes. After few days we met at different occasions and we got very well acquented. All three of them were taking interest in two of my friends and I. It became a big thing during those days, like three seniors class boys kind of dating three junior class girls in the same department at during the same year. Time flies when you have other attractions and the boys finished their exams and had to leave the university. We girls were working towards our final year and seeing ouf boy friends at the same time.
                                                      Let me make it very clear that this was the year of 1962-1964 and dating had very different meaning at that time speceally in India.

Marriage----

--- I had real hard time convincing my family and when things were cooling down and talks about wedding etc were started, I did not want to disturb them in any case. when I talked to my would be and he convinced me that he has no more any relations with the other girll I did not push it any further and tried to calm down my nerves as I had to think about my final exams and all. I already wasted lot of time and mental peace in all this love/marriage stuff. I finished my exams and was not very happy as I could have done better. I passed with good total points but in those days there was cut off point for passing class like first class and second class etc.My total was just a couple of points shy of first class and that was very upsetting.
                                        I did not apply for  college teaching positions as my would be was already a high scool teacher. I preffered a science teacher's job in the high school, We got married in september and started our new life----continued

In the college

--- now after getting used to my college life, I started little bit serious about my studies and  a bit worried that if I fail in my studies, people will critisize my sister. She was a professor in our college and that too in the science department. This was the age when my friend and I would talk about different boys and liked some and disliked some etc. I was not much interested in any particular boy any way.

I loved my little world as we all were very close to each other, having dinner together,talking about how the day went by for every body and sharing our experiences. My Mother was a very good cook and she always cooked very satisfying food. We were? vegetarian and did not even had an egg before. My maternal grand parents lived in a very big house in a town called Nagpur which is a huge city now. We all (except my grand father) used to go there every summer. Train journey was a great experience for us as Mother would make several things for us to eat during the travel. We loved the sound of those canteen vendors who would come and ask if we wanted tea. Sitting near the window and looking out while the train would run with that special rhythmic sound of "thakak,thakak-----" I still remember those wonderful days of my life.
      School was OK but I did not like to study. I did not fail but more than boring routine studies, I preferred all social activities like Music, Dance, Drama and talking to friends. I was a very serious NCC cadet and by the time I was a senior, I was already an Under officer of my platoon. All in all,I was not a great student in my High School but I passed and cleared High Scool as a second class student. When I  started my University classes, I for some reason understood the value of studies. One reason for my getting serious was that I did not want my sister to feel ashmed of me to those other professors with her in the department. Other important reason was that I could understand that if I would not get some degree then I will become some mediocar women and just out of touch for the outside world. I was a good reader and I wanted to travel. It became very clear to me that education is the key to get what I want in my life.
                              We bought another ladies bicycle(a two wheeler cycle) and I used it to do cycling from our house to college. One of my friend Meena, lived close by and we went to college together. Classes were very small like hardly 15-20 students in each class our professors were friendly and knowledgible. We learned a lot from them. We would go to canteen and eat kachori and sip chai. I had quite a few friends but Meena was very close.we would talk about all universal topics like books, cloathing or boys etc. We had Annual function which was kind of freedom for the students to enter in the social functions for four days. I would always find the opportunity to participate in it functions.

--- so this was my routine ,day in and day out as I was growing. I did learn a lot about Math and Social studies and some other subjects. I don't remember exactly what I learned till I got to fourth grade.I remember that we had final exams at the end of the year and it was very scary time for me because I had to study a lot. When I was in my sixth grade, my mother was transferred to another town called Gwalior which was far from my little town. I remember the house we lived in, it was comparatively big and nice. There was a big, busy road in front of our house. my sister was attending college and for me it was strange feeling to have a smart sister while I was only in the sixth grade. My Mother used to convince me that I was late in my studies because I had very serious Typhoid, and I was down with it for more than forty days. While living in Gwalior, I learned how to make simple clothing's like blouses and shorts etc.
                                    We stayed in Gwalior may be for some three years or so. I was in my sixth grade when my mother was again transferred to. Every body except me went to Indore. My Father's condition was not very good to help in our daily life. He was kind of out of this material world. He would talk to himself and remain quite. My father had a habit of smoking hand made tobacco bedi(a tobacco wrapped in a special dried leaf) When mother got transferred, she put him in the nursing home as it was very difficult for her to take care of four young children and an old father in law. Money wasn't enough(though we never felt it that way as she was trying very hard to provide us every thing we needed). When my mother had to leave gwalior,she left me with one of our aunt to finish my promotion exam. I was with that family for some three weeks and I was counting days to go and join my family. It was kind of first time I had to stay by myself. I understood the value of your own family.
                                     Coming to Indore was all together life changing experience. I started going to an  all Girl's High School and for the first time a green bus would pick us up. As I wanted to become a medical doctor, I started taking Science courses with Biology. We had to learn English, Math, Geography&History and Science.I was very much interested in Music, drama and I socialised a lot with my friends.Life was good for me but very slowly I started realizing that my mother was having very hard times to put us through schools and college. My older brother started his engineering school and it was hard for her to pay his quarterly fees. Poor mother had hardly few saris and only two gold bangles.
That gold would end up in the pawn shop every time his fees would be due. My mother would get up very early and start cooking our lunch for six people, clean the house, get ready,go to work. It was hard life for her and slowly we got aware of it. My older sister would help in the chores and so did I. It was so funny that my older brother who was very responsible and all would never do any household work. He always gave us orders to do this and that for him and strangely we followed him.