Life in Bhopal----

We were kind of settled here and a fixed routine started. Ajay started going to an elementary school and Ulka was going in a near by day care( a pre-kindergarden centre). Life was good, we both worked and it was Ok money wise. The only problem was my school which was in a very littlle town may be about 50 KM from the house. I had to catch a bus  which was most of the times very crowded. I would come late as the school time was 10am. through 4pm. Leaving an hour earlier and coming home an hour late was geting very tiring. With all the stress, I was geting sick and physically tired. At last  my prayers were heard and I was officially asked to join the B.Ed college which was now required for all teachers.
                                              This B.Ed college was right in the city and was interesting as well. I knew most of the stuff. I finished my course and was awarded B.Ed certified to teach high school. After completing this course,I was not ready to go back to that little town to teach so I joined my further education program. I started the terms for working on M.Ed degree at the same college where Vijay was a professor. We went on our Lambreta scooter and worked all day there. We returned home together to our little children. We had a very good, energetic and kind nanny to take care of children when we worked. Her job was to get Ulka from her school and attend to bus when Ajay came home. Life was busy and smooth. My older brother in law lived in a nearby town called Sihore where he was a big officer in the police department. A jeep with driver and lot of constables to help them at home. We joined them for weekends some times and children enjoyed their company and ofcourse the jeep ride.   
                                                   My two years M.Ed programe finished and I was now M.Sc.(zoology)and M.Ed. I was kind of proud of myself for being well educated with a good husband and two very good little children. Again I started looking for alternatives to avoid going for work in that little town so I started applying for Demonstration school jobs as there were some openings. These schools are also called DMS(demonstration  multipurpose schools) which are affiliated to regional colleges where Vijay was working. Our plan was for me to join the same system where he worked so that we can get transferred together. Some how my hard work and a bit of luck worked together and I was given a job at one of these four DMS to teach Biology. It was out in a far away state called Orissa. Town was called Bhubaneshwar. It was a good size town. We both could go together ( he would teach in the college of Education and I would teach in the DMS attached to that college). We left Bhopal, wraped up our few belongings and went to a all together new state where we did not know the local language even. Now we were four people to go anywhere and every where  our jobe would take us.----continued

Married life--- the fun and problems.

---so we had life together. We both were very busy balancing the routine. For a working woman in timely job as a teacher,it was hard but fun. I always loved teaching and to my knowledge I did it very seriously. My services were appreciated by my superiors. I wanted my husband to continue his further education and earned a doctoral degree so that we can have better life once we start the family. With lot of insistence he got in touch with a wonderful professor at the local University and signed in the programme. He was assigned to another professor who was not very helpful and a bit harsh on him. Vijay was ready to do very hard work on the subject but not as a peon to that professor doing some chores for the man. It was kind of hard on him and he often got very frustrated. We both used to talk and I tried to help him with his work and morale boosting. Vijay was receiving a fellowship but not at par with the teacher's salary. I was working and we pulled it on. We were happy to have our beloved son Ajay at the same time during all the same busy life but it was a blessing. Ajay is the first grand child to my parents and my mother was very excited(although my sister kept the seniority in that respect also by having a daughter seema exactly a month before Ajay was born).
                                                                After all the tussle and hassle about limited income and two little babies(Ulka was born within two years after Ajay) we some how survived and Vijay received his PH.D degree and we all were very happy. He got a professorship in the local University and some more money than the school teacher. This was a turning point in our life.
                                                                His head of the department at the University suggested him to apply for an advertisement in a standard news paper he saw. It was for the very prestigious institution in New Delhi. Vijay applied for it and got the recommendation from his kind department head. Vijay got the job in a different town called Bhopal in a college which is one of the four colleges managed by the Institute(NCERT)We moved to Bhopal and rented a house. Because on my dear mother's recommendation I could get transfer there as being a state employee and Bhopal being the capital of the same.
continued-----

Marraige at last----

So after all the discussions and talks, it was finally decided that my mother's wish should be honoured. She wanted both her daughter's to be married in the same pavilion. It was also decided that as this was the first big wedding going to take place in our family, it should be a grand ceremony. My sister got married a day before mine as she was older. All typical rituals were observed and it was a great function going on and on for four days. My husbands family also participated at the same level and enjoyed. My mother being the oldest in her family, all her brothers and sisters were there along with their own families. We were lot of people together and all stayed in a big house we get for a week during the occasion. My mom employed two full time cooks for that whole week and in total it was fun. During those years, there wasn't any system of putting your guests in the hotel or any thing. All guests and family stayed together and enjoyed.
                                                       I already had my degree as Masters in Ichthyology as my   specialization. I was ready to start a job. My husbands family(his mother and sisters) were not too much in favour of me as a working woman. It was hard on me too as I was teaching in a High School at about 70 miles away from my husbands house. I stayed away in a little town where the school was and came home only on the weekends. My husband(Vijay) also worked as a high school teacher near by the home town. I was not very happy with that bus travel and staying away by myself. At last my mother who had some authority in the department of Education made it possible to transfer both of us to one place in a town away from his home. We both moved to Ujjain(central India province) and worked in two different schools but in the same town. Here we started our own life as husband and wife with all the family fun and the problems which come along with it. A little apartment, the rent, the bills and all. We both were working and had enough for two people to live, but my husband had some debt he had as he paid the expenses  for his share during the wedding. All that gold chain and silk and initial things to start the family was not easy. We were paying towards that debt for about a year and half. We could not save a dime even. Money brings the tussle between relations(some times)
continued

going serious about the friendship----

-- we were seeing each other out in the coffee house and public parks and at his older brother's place etc--. it so happened that one of my friend who was also working on her Master's degree with me was dating another of those boys from the trio. We found the safe haven to meet in his house(of course when his friend was in the house along with his girl friend. Here I need to say that this love affair was not up to and never was any thing but holding hands and rarely kissing etc. It is ingrained in our minds that sex is some thing which is left for ONLY AFTER MARRIAGE.
One fine morning I broke the news to my family ( it was the month of January 1964) that we are going to marry and that is final. Yes, it was all very difficult for every body in the family to accept this idea that I decided to marry a boy who is not chosen by the family, a boy from little different cast, just master's degree and above all a High School teacher. My mother was crying and telling me how hard it will be for me to live with small salary, and with his people who have different way of life styles(my family is konkanastha brahmins and his family is kayastha) My older sister's marriage was settled to a brahmin man living in U.S. and my mother wanted me to get similar kind of match and they were  sure close to find one. I was firm in my decision and told my family so. After a long long time of anger and frustration and every thing, my older brother told my mother to accept the marriage as I was not backing off. His opinion was 'that we both will be highly educated (once I finish my degree) and will be free to lead our life. It is our decision and so be it' My sister's fiancee was coming to India for the wedding in Sept. It was decided that we both sister's get married in the same canopy day after one is married. That was very hard on me as till that time I was behaving like a nut and thinking that love is every thing. As soon as the weeding etc. talk started I got very nervous. I could not figure out whether I was doing right or I am jumping in a big problem. My mother had very hard life as she did not have great support of her husband after few years of her married life. She had four children to raise. God forbid if I get in to any situation like that then what am I going to do.
                                                     One day my would be husbands brother came to me in the college and said he wants to talk to me. I felt very scared thinking that 'what now'. He told me that my would be husband was already engaged to a girl from a distant town. It was a big blow to me and all my worries. I had to tell him that "I can't do any thing about it, You go and talk to your brother about it and it is his business" I was very angry with my fianee and asked him about it. He told me that 0he has broken the engagement long back as he stated dating me. I did ask him any mor questions.
                                                     

Master's and further events---

I received  my bachelor's degree and wanted to go medical School. I was just a second class student but in those days it was not difficult to get admission in the Medical School. I started my classes in and after a couple of weeks, I had very serious influenza attack and could not go to college for all that time. I was asked to continue as I was way behind in the class. That was the end of my Medical programme. i decided to continue my education in the Master's programme and joined Zoology department. We were hardly ten students in the class but it was a very free environment. We were asked to do some labs and assignments etc of our own. I remember going to the library and doing all my work. I must confess that my friend and I used to like some boys and wanted to be friends with but remembering my family values and the strictness of my mother, we could not step forward in that direction. I did go to a movie (Naya Daur) with a Friend but my sister accompanied us. Well a strange but life changing thing happened during that previous year of Master's programme. One day I had my books etc.on the back of my bicycle and I was paddling towards the school. I don't know what happened but some how I lost the balance and kind of slipped from my seat, all my books fell on the road so I put the bicycle on the stand and started to collect my books and papers etc. I noticed that three boys from our final year Zoology class stoped and one of them came to help me. He was speaking Marathi(my Mother toung) I thanked him for the help,hoped on my bike and went to classes. I saw those boys in the department at various occasions. we, the were only three girls in our class so we were friends with all the girl's from final class. Gradually I came to know about that boy.He was good looking, polite and healthy. I was impressed when he(or some body) told the story that he had a little bit of hard life and worked as police man before joining master's programme. I could sympathies with him and wanted the friendship. We were good friends and he helped me in my studies. I used to get his previous years notes to read and all. He visited my family a couple of times and times passed. It was not until he graduated from the college and I was working on my final year of Master's programme that we (I) realised that I was falling for him and he was already in love. We accepted the Idea. I knew that my Mother will be very upset but I was very much sure that I will try and change her mind.

---as I said before, my friend Meena and I use to talk about boys but neither of us had courage to get involved with any body at any time. It was our culture and family teachings which always reminded us that we need to pay more attention to our studies than anything else. By now I was getting interested in my studies also and finally passed my undergraduate programme very successfully. I wanted to do graduate studies as my sister did so i started my Masters degree courses in Zoology. It was a good programme but it changed my life . Some times, things happen for the reason and we have no control over the events. One day, I was on my way to college. I was going with my normal speed ( on my bike) thinking about some thing serious.Three boys, who were my seniors( I learned that afterwards) were coming the same way, probably going to class also. Some how I turned to one side or one of them hit me on the side of my bike,some thing happened and I had to stop. I got off of my bike. All my books fell on the road and I got a bit upset. All three of them stoped and one of them (a Maharashrtian boy)helped me to collect all my bookes. After some sorry and thank you, they left and I went to classes. After few days we met at different occasions and we got very well acquented. All three of them were taking interest in two of my friends and I. It became a big thing during those days, like three seniors class boys kind of dating three junior class girls in the same department at during the same year. Time flies when you have other attractions and the boys finished their exams and had to leave the university. We girls were working towards our final year and seeing ouf boy friends at the same time.
                                                      Let me make it very clear that this was the year of 1962-1964 and dating had very different meaning at that time speceally in India.

Marriage----

--- I had real hard time convincing my family and when things were cooling down and talks about wedding etc were started, I did not want to disturb them in any case. when I talked to my would be and he convinced me that he has no more any relations with the other girll I did not push it any further and tried to calm down my nerves as I had to think about my final exams and all. I already wasted lot of time and mental peace in all this love/marriage stuff. I finished my exams and was not very happy as I could have done better. I passed with good total points but in those days there was cut off point for passing class like first class and second class etc.My total was just a couple of points shy of first class and that was very upsetting.
                                        I did not apply for  college teaching positions as my would be was already a high scool teacher. I preffered a science teacher's job in the high school, We got married in september and started our new life----continued

In the college

--- now after getting used to my college life, I started little bit serious about my studies and  a bit worried that if I fail in my studies, people will critisize my sister. She was a professor in our college and that too in the science department. This was the age when my friend and I would talk about different boys and liked some and disliked some etc. I was not much interested in any particular boy any way.

I loved my little world as we all were very close to each other, having dinner together,talking about how the day went by for every body and sharing our experiences. My Mother was a very good cook and she always cooked very satisfying food. We were? vegetarian and did not even had an egg before. My maternal grand parents lived in a very big house in a town called Nagpur which is a huge city now. We all (except my grand father) used to go there every summer. Train journey was a great experience for us as Mother would make several things for us to eat during the travel. We loved the sound of those canteen vendors who would come and ask if we wanted tea. Sitting near the window and looking out while the train would run with that special rhythmic sound of "thakak,thakak-----" I still remember those wonderful days of my life.
      School was OK but I did not like to study. I did not fail but more than boring routine studies, I preferred all social activities like Music, Dance, Drama and talking to friends. I was a very serious NCC cadet and by the time I was a senior, I was already an Under officer of my platoon. All in all,I was not a great student in my High School but I passed and cleared High Scool as a second class student. When I  started my University classes, I for some reason understood the value of studies. One reason for my getting serious was that I did not want my sister to feel ashmed of me to those other professors with her in the department. Other important reason was that I could understand that if I would not get some degree then I will become some mediocar women and just out of touch for the outside world. I was a good reader and I wanted to travel. It became very clear to me that education is the key to get what I want in my life.
                              We bought another ladies bicycle(a two wheeler cycle) and I used it to do cycling from our house to college. One of my friend Meena, lived close by and we went to college together. Classes were very small like hardly 15-20 students in each class our professors were friendly and knowledgible. We learned a lot from them. We would go to canteen and eat kachori and sip chai. I had quite a few friends but Meena was very close.we would talk about all universal topics like books, cloathing or boys etc. We had Annual function which was kind of freedom for the students to enter in the social functions for four days. I would always find the opportunity to participate in it functions.

--- so this was my routine ,day in and day out as I was growing. I did learn a lot about Math and Social studies and some other subjects. I don't remember exactly what I learned till I got to fourth grade.I remember that we had final exams at the end of the year and it was very scary time for me because I had to study a lot. When I was in my sixth grade, my mother was transferred to another town called Gwalior which was far from my little town. I remember the house we lived in, it was comparatively big and nice. There was a big, busy road in front of our house. my sister was attending college and for me it was strange feeling to have a smart sister while I was only in the sixth grade. My Mother used to convince me that I was late in my studies because I had very serious Typhoid, and I was down with it for more than forty days. While living in Gwalior, I learned how to make simple clothing's like blouses and shorts etc.
                                    We stayed in Gwalior may be for some three years or so. I was in my sixth grade when my mother was again transferred to. Every body except me went to Indore. My Father's condition was not very good to help in our daily life. He was kind of out of this material world. He would talk to himself and remain quite. My father had a habit of smoking hand made tobacco bedi(a tobacco wrapped in a special dried leaf) When mother got transferred, she put him in the nursing home as it was very difficult for her to take care of four young children and an old father in law. Money wasn't enough(though we never felt it that way as she was trying very hard to provide us every thing we needed). When my mother had to leave gwalior,she left me with one of our aunt to finish my promotion exam. I was with that family for some three weeks and I was counting days to go and join my family. It was kind of first time I had to stay by myself. I understood the value of your own family.
                                     Coming to Indore was all together life changing experience. I started going to an  all Girl's High School and for the first time a green bus would pick us up. As I wanted to become a medical doctor, I started taking Science courses with Biology. We had to learn English, Math, Geography&History and Science.I was very much interested in Music, drama and I socialised a lot with my friends.Life was good for me but very slowly I started realizing that my mother was having very hard times to put us through schools and college. My older brother started his engineering school and it was hard for her to pay his quarterly fees. Poor mother had hardly few saris and only two gold bangles.
That gold would end up in the pawn shop every time his fees would be due. My mother would get up very early and start cooking our lunch for six people, clean the house, get ready,go to work. It was hard life for her and slowly we got aware of it. My older sister would help in the chores and so did I. It was so funny that my older brother who was very responsible and all would never do any household work. He always gave us orders to do this and that for him and strangely we followed him.

I was born in a very little town in central India some sixty nine years ago. My parents were teachers and they were transferred to another little town when I was hardly a year old. We lived in a big old fashioned house on a very broad street and lived there for years together until I was in fifth grade. I had few friends and we played some games like hide and seek, Hu Tu Tu (kind of holding your breath till you touch a  person from the other team.) I liked making necklaces with pieces of colorful broken bengal's by heating the and joining the ends. My Mom(we called her Aai) always got angry as I always had holes in my skirts because of those glass pieces. We had strict rule in our family that all children should be home by about 6pm. Wash our hands and feet, say our prayers and then  say the  number tables for remembering them. Dinner after that and going to bed by 9pm.
                  This daily routine was disturbed only during summer when we travelled to our grand parents town. As a matter of fact the rules were same but it was fun with our cosines and family. I have an older sister and a brother and one younger brother. My father started getting little sick after he returned from the India-Pakistan partition zone so my Mother was the only bread winner in the family of seven people(my grand father loved us so much that he wouldn't leave four of us children to go any where else. I was in a small Middle School where we sat on the mates and studied. Corporal punishment was allowed and that made us very particuler about our home wokr which was mostly memorization, Reading and writing. I did not like School as I was very bad in doing my home work. My older sister and brother were always on my back to do the School work(I thank them now)I like the sports and I was good at that. (continued......) 

Hello, I am Vandana Gupte. Some thirty years ago I came to America and stayed here permanently. Now retired from almost all my jobs and responsibilities, I sit and think about 'how did I make this long ,difficult journey from a little alley in a little town in India. To make it all clear in my mind, I decided to pen it down on the paper....I mean the computer. I think,
                          I am all finished with my immediate responsibilities as my son and daughter are very well educated,very successful in their lives. I have three beautiful grand children and they are doing very good in their studies. I live in  an medium size town(Martinsburg) in west Virginia with my husband Dr.Vijay Gupte. We have a medium size ranch house with lot of land to do gardening and growing flowers and vegetables.
                          I will be very thankful to you if you read my journey and if you want to tell me how am I doing about telling my story to my grand children and other interested people.
 Thanks.
Vandana