Married life--- the fun and problems.

---so we had life together. We both were very busy balancing the routine. For a working woman in timely job as a teacher,it was hard but fun. I always loved teaching and to my knowledge I did it very seriously. My services were appreciated by my superiors. I wanted my husband to continue his further education and earned a doctoral degree so that we can have better life once we start the family. With lot of insistence he got in touch with a wonderful professor at the local University and signed in the programme. He was assigned to another professor who was not very helpful and a bit harsh on him. Vijay was ready to do very hard work on the subject but not as a peon to that professor doing some chores for the man. It was kind of hard on him and he often got very frustrated. We both used to talk and I tried to help him with his work and morale boosting. Vijay was receiving a fellowship but not at par with the teacher's salary. I was working and we pulled it on. We were happy to have our beloved son Ajay at the same time during all the same busy life but it was a blessing. Ajay is the first grand child to my parents and my mother was very excited(although my sister kept the seniority in that respect also by having a daughter seema exactly a month before Ajay was born).
                                                                After all the tussle and hassle about limited income and two little babies(Ulka was born within two years after Ajay) we some how survived and Vijay received his PH.D degree and we all were very happy. He got a professorship in the local University and some more money than the school teacher. This was a turning point in our life.
                                                                His head of the department at the University suggested him to apply for an advertisement in a standard news paper he saw. It was for the very prestigious institution in New Delhi. Vijay applied for it and got the recommendation from his kind department head. Vijay got the job in a different town called Bhopal in a college which is one of the four colleges managed by the Institute(NCERT)We moved to Bhopal and rented a house. Because on my dear mother's recommendation I could get transfer there as being a state employee and Bhopal being the capital of the same.
continued-----

Marraige at last----

So after all the discussions and talks, it was finally decided that my mother's wish should be honoured. She wanted both her daughter's to be married in the same pavilion. It was also decided that as this was the first big wedding going to take place in our family, it should be a grand ceremony. My sister got married a day before mine as she was older. All typical rituals were observed and it was a great function going on and on for four days. My husbands family also participated at the same level and enjoyed. My mother being the oldest in her family, all her brothers and sisters were there along with their own families. We were lot of people together and all stayed in a big house we get for a week during the occasion. My mom employed two full time cooks for that whole week and in total it was fun. During those years, there wasn't any system of putting your guests in the hotel or any thing. All guests and family stayed together and enjoyed.
                                                       I already had my degree as Masters in Ichthyology as my   specialization. I was ready to start a job. My husbands family(his mother and sisters) were not too much in favour of me as a working woman. It was hard on me too as I was teaching in a High School at about 70 miles away from my husbands house. I stayed away in a little town where the school was and came home only on the weekends. My husband(Vijay) also worked as a high school teacher near by the home town. I was not very happy with that bus travel and staying away by myself. At last my mother who had some authority in the department of Education made it possible to transfer both of us to one place in a town away from his home. We both moved to Ujjain(central India province) and worked in two different schools but in the same town. Here we started our own life as husband and wife with all the family fun and the problems which come along with it. A little apartment, the rent, the bills and all. We both were working and had enough for two people to live, but my husband had some debt he had as he paid the expenses  for his share during the wedding. All that gold chain and silk and initial things to start the family was not easy. We were paying towards that debt for about a year and half. We could not save a dime even. Money brings the tussle between relations(some times)
continued

going serious about the friendship----

-- we were seeing each other out in the coffee house and public parks and at his older brother's place etc--. it so happened that one of my friend who was also working on her Master's degree with me was dating another of those boys from the trio. We found the safe haven to meet in his house(of course when his friend was in the house along with his girl friend. Here I need to say that this love affair was not up to and never was any thing but holding hands and rarely kissing etc. It is ingrained in our minds that sex is some thing which is left for ONLY AFTER MARRIAGE.
One fine morning I broke the news to my family ( it was the month of January 1964) that we are going to marry and that is final. Yes, it was all very difficult for every body in the family to accept this idea that I decided to marry a boy who is not chosen by the family, a boy from little different cast, just master's degree and above all a High School teacher. My mother was crying and telling me how hard it will be for me to live with small salary, and with his people who have different way of life styles(my family is konkanastha brahmins and his family is kayastha) My older sister's marriage was settled to a brahmin man living in U.S. and my mother wanted me to get similar kind of match and they were  sure close to find one. I was firm in my decision and told my family so. After a long long time of anger and frustration and every thing, my older brother told my mother to accept the marriage as I was not backing off. His opinion was 'that we both will be highly educated (once I finish my degree) and will be free to lead our life. It is our decision and so be it' My sister's fiancee was coming to India for the wedding in Sept. It was decided that we both sister's get married in the same canopy day after one is married. That was very hard on me as till that time I was behaving like a nut and thinking that love is every thing. As soon as the weeding etc. talk started I got very nervous. I could not figure out whether I was doing right or I am jumping in a big problem. My mother had very hard life as she did not have great support of her husband after few years of her married life. She had four children to raise. God forbid if I get in to any situation like that then what am I going to do.
                                                     One day my would be husbands brother came to me in the college and said he wants to talk to me. I felt very scared thinking that 'what now'. He told me that my would be husband was already engaged to a girl from a distant town. It was a big blow to me and all my worries. I had to tell him that "I can't do any thing about it, You go and talk to your brother about it and it is his business" I was very angry with my fianee and asked him about it. He told me that 0he has broken the engagement long back as he stated dating me. I did ask him any mor questions.
                                                     

Master's and further events---

I received  my bachelor's degree and wanted to go medical School. I was just a second class student but in those days it was not difficult to get admission in the Medical School. I started my classes in and after a couple of weeks, I had very serious influenza attack and could not go to college for all that time. I was asked to continue as I was way behind in the class. That was the end of my Medical programme. i decided to continue my education in the Master's programme and joined Zoology department. We were hardly ten students in the class but it was a very free environment. We were asked to do some labs and assignments etc of our own. I remember going to the library and doing all my work. I must confess that my friend and I used to like some boys and wanted to be friends with but remembering my family values and the strictness of my mother, we could not step forward in that direction. I did go to a movie (Naya Daur) with a Friend but my sister accompanied us. Well a strange but life changing thing happened during that previous year of Master's programme. One day I had my books etc.on the back of my bicycle and I was paddling towards the school. I don't know what happened but some how I lost the balance and kind of slipped from my seat, all my books fell on the road so I put the bicycle on the stand and started to collect my books and papers etc. I noticed that three boys from our final year Zoology class stoped and one of them came to help me. He was speaking Marathi(my Mother toung) I thanked him for the help,hoped on my bike and went to classes. I saw those boys in the department at various occasions. we, the were only three girls in our class so we were friends with all the girl's from final class. Gradually I came to know about that boy.He was good looking, polite and healthy. I was impressed when he(or some body) told the story that he had a little bit of hard life and worked as police man before joining master's programme. I could sympathies with him and wanted the friendship. We were good friends and he helped me in my studies. I used to get his previous years notes to read and all. He visited my family a couple of times and times passed. It was not until he graduated from the college and I was working on my final year of Master's programme that we (I) realised that I was falling for him and he was already in love. We accepted the Idea. I knew that my Mother will be very upset but I was very much sure that I will try and change her mind.